Thursday, August 27, 2009

Where do they put it all?!?!

My children are bottomless pits. No, really. I feed them, and it's almost like in that Casper movie, where all the food just falls right through them, because it can't all be hitting their stomach. Maybe they hide it in their toes? They have to hide it somewhere, since I'm pretty sure they should have exploded by now. (You laugh, and yet, I wonder. Are my children mutant cows or something? Do they have multiple stomachs?) (Hey, you got a better explanation, I'd love to hear it!)

It seems like I feed them every five minutes. They should be little chubbos by now, tottering around the house like mini Michelin men... er, girls. I should be rolling them around by now. But no! The Metabolisms of Doom (previously mention here on All Your Bread) take every calorie and gobble it up like a greedy little child with a chocolate bar. Or like me with a chocolate bar. (shiver) (Scary.) They keep growing up, not out! I could have sworn that thing was supposed to happen in spurts, not constantly. But maybe I'm wrong. It's been known to happen.

But still. Seriously. We take them out for pizza sometimes, and between them, they polish off a large (LARGE!) pizza by themselves. I can barely choke down half a large pizza. I'm embarrassed to take them out to eat because it looks like they haven't seen food in three weeks! "No, really, Mr. CPS rep, we DO feed them! I swear!" I'm waiting for this conversation. I really am. Of course, all I'd have to do is hand them over for an afternoon and let CPS feed 'em. And feed 'em. And watch them goggle as my children still act like they're half starved.

I'm pretty sure it'd be the quickest closed case in CPS history. (snicker)

Am I alone in having toddlers who eat like teenagers?


Frieda said...

Nope. My boys are cows...eating all day AND all night. I made the mistake of putting their bedrooms downstairs next to *gasp* the food storage room and freezer.

Babies have been known to grow up to an inch overnight. Its true...I read it in Parenting magazine... Ü

12gViolet said...

Please don't tell me that. (falls over) An inch? Overnight? (cries)

Maybe if we stop feeding them so much, they'll stop growing so much? (Shhh, leave the pregnant lady her delusions!) Not that I could slow down their eating anyway. They'd just start gnawing on the furniture. (sigh)