Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I. Has. Flu.

When kids get sick -- and I remember this vividly from my own childhood -- they laze about, possibly whining, groaning, moaning, or complaining, begging their parent(s) for everything they need. And usually, they get it. Because that's a parent's job: to take care of their poor, ailing child. What happens when a parent gets sick? They suck it up and do the shit they always do anyway, all while wishing death would strike them down so they can finally take a fucking nap. A nice long one.

So when I started feeling like shit today, I figured, lovely. I get a day of hell. But o, dear Internet, I underestimated the demonic nature of the bug inside me. I did not just have the breathing issues of the past two weeks, or the coughing of the past week, or a simple fever. Those I could have lived with hell, I HAVE been living with the non-breathing and coughing, thank you and been happy to stop there. But no. We progressed ever so rapidly to violent puking, massive dehydration, and dizziness.

I have the mother-effing swine flu. Or H1N1, whatever. Because apparently it's EVERYWHERE in my area, and simply breathing air that has even been outside exposes me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not crying "Oh, poor me, I have the dreaded flu of doom and now I shall die!" No, I know this flu is just like every other one I've ever had. It sucks, it lasts freaking forever or at least it feels like forever... and the prescribed solution is exactly the same. Bed rest. Fluids. Don't exert yourself. Eat when you can keep crap down. Avoid things that might make you puke. Don't drink alcohol. Blah blah blah. Some of these, like "don't drink alcohol," can be adopted without too much trouble. But the rest of it? *falls over laughing*

Seriously. Have you ever met a mother or father, especially of the stay-at-home variety that can lounge in bed all day, drinking gatorade and munching on crackers? Of course not. We eat whenever we can cram something in our mouths, we sit down roughly five times a day for about as many minutes usually on the toilet, and only because it's biologically necessary, we drink hydrating fluids whenever we can remember to -- and aren't occupied by something else, which let's face it, ain't often -- and avoiding things that might make you puke is a helluva lot easier when you don't have to change messy diapers.

And don't exert yourself? I'm not even going to touch that. Because seriously.

3 comments:

Frieda said...

I am SO sorry you have been attacked by the piggy flu! You are right, it is EVERYWHERE...

Many years ago, my entire family (except for the 2 year old) got the flu. The 2 yr. old had the RUN of the house and I couldn't care less what happened. Every pore in my body ached. *knock on wood* it hasn't hit our house...yet. I hope you get better and quick ~

Shawna said...

We had ours over the Labor day weekend so I feel your pain. When my kid is sick I take care of him, when my hubs is sick I take care of him, when we are all sick together - I still take care of them. Moms are not allowed to get sick. Didn't you get the memo? ;)

Hope it clears soon.

12gViolet said...

Frieda: Our 2 year old also has the flu, but in true Raven style, it barely affects her... except when I'm trying to sleep. Then it kicks her around like a hacky sack. Because Mommy getting sleep? Is apparently Of The Devil.

And as far as I'm concerned, as long as no one is bleeding, broken, or dying, they can destroy my house. I just want a friggen nap.

Shawna: I got the memo. I laughed in the memo's face... while hacking up a lung. Damn phlegm.